I was reading something earlier that said something along the lines of 'If you're an insomniac, you're never really awake and you're never really asleep'. And so I got to thinking, as I so often do... and I don't think that I've ever heard a truer statement.
Insomniatic- [I really hope that's a word.] tendencies change everything about a person. Sleep affects so much and as an insomniac I know how hard it is trying to adjust to a place that almost completely exists in a 9-5 world. I can't help but wonder if maybe I can't sleep because I'm supposed to see the world differently. I don't know if I'd be able to think the way that I do and feel the way that I feel if I had a regular sleep schedule. If I slept when everyone else did, I wouldn't more write half the things I've written, I wouldnt have those deep existential tangos with friends and foes, I wouldnt dye my hair, I wouldn't be me.
If I wasn't more or less ... an insomniac, I wouldn't be even a fraction of myself, I can't help but wonder who that other person is. It's like there's more than just myself. I... as me exist on this one level and I as she... exist on another. And the only place we meet is in our dreams. I don't think that I'm better or worse than anyone else in the world, but I do feel like I'm different so while I may never be truly awake or truly asleep and will always wonder with either would feel like I know that I'm alive.
And that makes me happy.
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